To lose it all

Seen “Clickbait” on Netflix yet? https://www.netflix.com/title/80991754?s=a&trkid=13747225&t=more

To have the Camelot life you had taken from you through no fault of your own.  To have your reputation utterly destroyed.  To lose your kids.

To make decisions based on an incorrectly perceived reality.  To endure a suicide.  To never be able to get back what you have lost.

Please, please quote some more Bible verses or tell me you know the lord frustrates me but how he has helped you as your kids and hubby surround you and your idyllic life.

What a weird surreal series.

Here I am in IN.  The new business purchase is moving along.  Life will be good.  I look forward to a “normal” routine emerging.

But normal, true normal is gone forever.

It disappeared either on January 30th, 2008.

Or on August 28th, 2010 (I think, may have been the 30th– I don’t really remember the date– but I can still see/hear/feel that night) when I “found out”.

Does it really matter when, which horrible, awful date ended my life?

I, like Nick Brewer, am completely innocent, yet my family is devastated and destroyed.

I will never know the true story, and unlike Nick who is blissfully detached from the pain– I work at trying to forget- to not think of my kids because it makes me cry— so, so, so, so much. So much that I purposely push away memories and thoughts of them. Because I don’t know the truth. I don’t know what is my fault, because the “totally innocent” I wrote about above here is a very, very hard concept to grasp as hindsight clarifies some of the past. I just know like Nick never getting to see Kai or Ethan grow up- I missed from 2005 till this life ends of getting to see my kids and grandkids grow up. My kids missed having the best Dad they could, the best life they could. Innocent?? Yea, if she had not done the things she did, if she had believed that her parental duties came before the bottle and lies and cheating and lived a life that put family first — 6 lives would be dramatically different.

Forget.

This will be good. Great even. And it will be.

The past is the past.

Katie truly was a bitch……

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