Why?- U don’t know WHY?

“It’s me, it’s Christine”

“I just… “

(Long pause, continues- choked up)

“wanted to say,”

“You’re my best friend,”

“And you always will be.”

“And why you won’t answer my calls”

“Kills me.”

[The depth of selfish ignorance here cannot be overstated.– WHY? WHY! WHY!? not worth the salt in my tears.]

Message left at the end of June, 2021.

That cold spring evening when I found the first bottle. It was over then. Life as I knew it. I just didn’t know it. I was naive enough to think this could be “fixed”, like a hole on wallboard…. There ain’t enough joint compound in the universe to fix the crazy represented in this message.

If I dwelt on this — On what I lost— On what the kids lost, I would go CRAZY.

It does not matter. Empathy only goes so far. It is gone, done, over forever. It will never be regained, refound or repaired. It’s a lonely road walked by many. ALL OF US ARE ALONE. It. What is your it?

It is yours, only yours. They left you with it. It sucks. Good luck.

( P.S. My oldest freaking awesome son is going to see Green Day in FENWAY PARK in two days. Guarantee he hears this song — I am crying– Oh the irony for our family that will be floating through the ethos as that song plays – in. Fenway. For. My. Son. [I wish I could make it end, Alex….])

Spoiler alert: SEPTEMBER NEVER ENDS.

I was simply going to put the words of her message and leave them there as a testimony to the lunacy, but I had to put more, for me- so future me knows how it bubbles to the surface…..

2 thoughts on “Why?- U don’t know WHY?

  1. I am so deeply happy you have moved on and that she doesn’t have power over you.
    The hurt will always be there, because you are a kind person and because you wish you could have protected your kids from having a sister of a parent.

    I get it. I have similar….

    I spent the weekend on vacation with my kids, my parents and my ex, his sister and his mom. Ex is respectful, undemanding and stays far away from the one kid who has been hurt the most.

    He told me he feels shame and guilt. Honestly, I don’t care. It isn’t necessary for me and he might as well get on with his life.

    He lost out on some of the best parenting years. He is lucky he has any relationship with his awesome son. If he uses the guilt and shame to be a good person I am relieved.

    I don’t need or want him. He feels like a distant cousin…someone I can chat with, but then don’t think about.

    How odd life is.

    She is trying to manipulate you. That’s what narcissists do, even without planning to (but also maliciously). Don’t engage.

    Hugs and love
    Anne

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