The end

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Summer ends tonight. School starts tomorrow.

Her senior year.

The last summer night. My last kid in school.

I loved being a Dad. I lived for it. It’s over. I know I am still their Dad.

But the beauty, the wonder, the simple joy of a child who loves you unconditionally. A child who needs you, who knows the world is right because Dad is at the game.

That is changing. Tonight will never happen again. My baby girl will never have a summer night again. College starting is different.

My life. My purpose for decades has been a Dad. A family man. Transition. To what? I wake up many morning wondering what the purpose is. Am I a colossal failure?

Why keep this up? The purpose?

I need to get her through her senior year and off to college.

Home? NH? VA? IN?

Will anywhere ever feel like home again?

I took home away from my kids.

I hate that. I did my best. I know I did.

After more than a year free of her toxicity and with the help of a great woman, I know I’m not perfect but I know what destroyed our family rests 100% on her shoulders: alcohol and lies. Yet I wonder if I could have made better decisions for the kids. Yes I know now, I could have. I was not thinking straight. An alcoholic, more specifically an alcoholic cheater with a side dish of pathological lying….. truly drove me nutty. Changed me. Infected me. Changed everything. Forever.

What kind of person does that? What kind of person destroys a good life for their kids?

Now we are watching “I can only imagine”. Maybe God will make everything OK in our lives……

LOL. Yea, Yahweh, it is a little to late for that. I’m sure you were busy performing miracles for situations more important than my little family. You didn’t have time to step in and save my kids from hell on earth when she reached for that first bottle.

Or maybe you don’t exist as presented to me by the protestant purveyors of perverted religion.

Religion and politics…. Well at least I didn’t go into the latter.

T I will miss being your Daddy. You make me so proud. I will forever regret not giving you the life you should have had.

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