The one where it seems the black void is winning….

I just wanna make sure I have this right: it’s OK to leave your kids your husband of 25 years–one partner has been faithful and worked and provided the whole marriage and 1 partner has lied cheated and been drunk half the marriage.  It’s OK for that person to smear you, assassinate your character, drag your name through the mud, cause you to walk with your head down in the small town you live in.  It is OK to tell your new circle of oh so gullible (there are 2 sides two a story, what?) friends that you were abused emotionally and physically, that your 16 year old  daughter is being emotionally abused and it’s getting worse, that he made you wear certain kinds of clothes!  Even though all of these things are total fabrications & outright lies.  This? This is legal in our society?  It is OK for my kids to be hollowed out like a Halloween Pumpkin because their adult mother decided the chaos she created,  the rubble she threw about, the mess she constructed, the destruction she forced into our lives is unfixable.  So instead of trying to work on her deep seated issues this genius decides to walk away and start bouncing up-and-down on somebody else’s joy stick and to tell horrible lies to make herself look good.  It is OK to do that??!!  It’s OK to get your license again even though you’re a crazy drunk who was in the hospital because your liver was failing And you had an accident, blew a .289 with your son and his friend in the vehicle but your boyfriend is the greatest thing since sliced bread and helps you get your SR22 and your license back.  Quite certain you are on the roads drunk again.  It’s OK to text your kids (yes, even our 16 yr old daughter who apparently I’m emotionally abusing—-wait a minute -isn’t threatening to kill yourself to your 16 yr old abusive????!!!) and tell them that you LOVED them, insinuating that  you are going to kill yourself?  It’s OK to text them and tell them you are no longer their mother because you are a petulant little teenager in a 45 year old body whose mad because they won’t contact you because you have upended their life once again and they’re not contacting you as quick as you think they should. (Run on, run on sentence, leaves ya breathless, kinda like the things she does…..)  It’s OK to not even try to understand how your kids are feeling or to take into account that you’ve rocked their world and you need to step back and try to work on repairing a relationship…. no it’s OK to hurt my kids like this, it’s OK to hurt me like this and you just hop on the back of that Harley and you just continue to blame me for everything and you just ride into the sunset leaving behind the mess you created— that’s OK— who cares this is happening to us?  What can be done to fix the hurt? To take the empty out of my daughter’s eyes….. Fuck you God, I have REM’ed my religion because I don’t see how an all-knowing All-powerful being allows this to happen.  There is no excuse.  I know why (free will) I know the answer -I do- I’ve learned a lot —-it is not me—……….but I still don’t understand and I will never understand and I cannot wait to move out of this little fucking town where my neighbor tells me she saw my wife coming out of the Post Office and she was poking her friend and whispering that’s his wife and she tells me she has tattoos up-and-down her arm— I don’t really care if she does but I hate the fact that I’m gossip. My life that I worked for for 25 years has been reduced to gossip that entertains mother fucking nosy people. I hate that my kids— their very lives, their destiny has been changed because of a selfish, neurotic slutty, lying adult.   This is OK in our society, this is acceptable?  The real problem is that people have absolutely no empathy — we are all selfish little give me give me give me people…..

 I have a wonderful girlfriend and by June of 2019 the plan is to live in the same town she lives in, have a new house there. My kids will probably all stay in Helldale and one will be in the Nawth and that’s OK. I will make the trip to see them but for me I have to get out of here.  It is literally killing me again—- for the for the 2nd time she has done this, wow! What is amazing is how wonderful it is when somebody is truly empathetic and caring and loving and just funny and wants to build a relationship instead of just taking, they reciprocate. I can’t wait to live that kind of life that hopefully models for the kids a good healthy relationship. I can’t wait to be with you and have this crazy behind both of us have the hurt behind both of us.  And I hope one day we will be vindicated and Karma will do its job.

I love you.  All of me loves the amazing person you are.  

Thank you for being sincere, transparent, real and honest.

This rant is just that— a rant.  There is a light at the end of this tunnel and as her shadow dissipates this light grows brighter.  Soon that last little remnant of her rotten rhapsody of crazy will be gone completely and utterly gone….

One thought on “The one where it seems the black void is winning….

  1. Yes, yes, and so much to the yes with this! I totally get it, and I know where you are coming from when you talk about a checked out parent and the pain it causes your children. I feel for you, I truly do. The worst part is that you can never make them change or even look at things without their childish filter (it’s all about me and for me!) they don’t want to see the hurt and destruction that they are causing. They don’t want to take responsibility for any of it, everyone else is somehow wrong or misguided, doesn’t understand or love them enough, and it’s never their fault. Everyone is just supposed to fall in line and agree with whatever crazy, ignorant, selfish thing they do. No regard for anybody else’s feelings, no sense of putting anyone else before themselves, even their children. Thankfully, in most situations like these, there is one steady parent that children can count on and hold onto for safety. Someone who cares and tries to protect them. Thankfully that parent is you.

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