Coming undone or Falling into place?

I feel like writing a lot today. The thoughts are rushing out of my head and falling useless onto the ground like huge pointless raidrops.  Lol even now I have forgotten some of what I was thinking.

I should be working.  I wanna run away and do nothing.  Just nothing, feel NOTHING. 

Life is a stupid dichotomy of happy emotions and desparately sad emotions when you have “the love of your life” gradually walk out of it. ( To clarify for the multitudes ingesting this blog post: I recently heard of a teen who says his dad is,”dead to him” – that. That is what she is to me, dead to me.  Of no consequence, an egg donor.  DEAD.)

I’m sick of trying to make sense of the senseless. Sick of seeing kids who are hurt deeply by asinine fucking adults who put their happiness in front of responsibility.  Sick of knowing it will NEVER be ok, that life will always fall short of what it could have been if they did the right thing.

What is the right thing.  “Hey, God.  Tell me what is the right thing?”  Maybe there is no right or wrong.  Maybe it really doesn’t matter what you do and the pursuit of happiness is the ultimate goal in life.

Maybe I should get to work.

I am scared. Girly scared.  Is this for real?  Can this work? Is real contentment and happiness possible.  YOU make me happy T-Rex.  (I know it’s not good, but that nickname works for now.)  You bring sense to the senseless.  Healing to the hurt. Happy in a real way.  I heart you. 

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